The Joy of being a Heathen!

The Joy of the Heathen

Not all of my myth-debunking is necessarily academic or scholarly in nature. While I plan to spend considerable time debunking Christian apologetics, inerrancy, the resurrection, and other concepts for years to come, there are also some myths that Christians have that are cultural in origin. One of the myths that I hear quite a lot is that heathens have no sense of joy. Many Christians believe that they- and only them- have a monopoly on hope, joy, and laughter. When some of these folks hear that someone like John Loftus, Richard Carrier, Farrell Till, or myself are atheists, the response can sometimes be condescending pity. How many times have many of us heard a Christian say "You must have a really sad life!" or "It must be awful to have no sense of joy or purpose"? My dad is a minister, whom to this day, believes that us "heathens" (an umbrella term for all non-Christians) cannot have any joy without Jesus Christ. I sometimes have to wonder at my dad's intellectual honesty. My dad has acknowledged that I am a more joyful person today as an atheist and "heathen" than I ever was as a Christian. I overheard my dad say recently to some Christian friends of his while conducting a Bible study that you cannot be joyful without Jesus Christ in your life. But my dad knows for a fact that I am a joyful person. I am at a loss as to why he would make such a statement when he knows that I am very joyful and happy in life?

The fact of the matter is that many "heathens" that I know of today are very joyful and basically happy people, especially atheists. Carrier, Loftus, Till, Holman, Barker, and countless others are very joyful and happy people. The simple fact of the matter is that from an early age I never thought that Christians had a monopoly on joy. But many Christians do believe otherwise. My dad believes that only Christians can have true joy and hope in life. As I was growing up, my dad believed that a glowing testimonial was the only reason why anyone should ever be a Christian. This was the reason he was a Christian and he thought that just because it worked for him it should work for about anyone, particularly his own kids. My dad believed that without Jesus Christ, it was impossible to have any joy or hope in your life. My dad just couldn't understand how any heathen, after meeting him, could ever possibly not want to become a Christian. They were just so purposeless, miserable, and sad that he honestly didn't know how they could resist not wanting to become a Christian. If his testimonial was not convincing enough to them, then there must be something seriously wrong, psychologically, with these people for them to love being miserable.

I never thought that glowing testimonials were evidence that Christianity was true or not. I thought as a teenager that Christianity lived or died on historical evidence. I also knew that glowing testimonials were worthless because many different religions, spiritualities, and philosophies had converts all with their glowing testimonials of how their conversion brought them joy and peace of mind. One might think that some atheist or agnostic convinced me of this when I was teenager. Right? Wrong! It was the apologetics book Many Infallible Proofs which was written by recent-creationist Henry M Morris. He was the one who argued for apologetics precisely because many different religions had glowing testimonials. I was very much into apologetics as a teenager. In fact, when I was a teenager, say about 15 or 16, I was interested in a career in theology and apologetics. I had just encountered the word "apologetics" in the dictionary and it was defined as a branch of theology that was concerned with the proof of Christianity. To a teenager, this was beautiful music to my ears. When I expressed this to my dad, he was not supportive of the idea at all. Theology and apologetics were a waste of time! My dad decided to talk me out of it. My dad tried to talk me into becoming an inventor. Why? Because inventors make a lot of money and my dad wanted his sons to be wealthy.

This wasn't enough to steer me from apologetics and my dad was contemptuous of my interest, it seemed. How could I be interested in apologetics? But I was interested in apologetics because I was struggling with some difficult questions. What evidence was there to justify faith? If I was wrong enough to buy into the claims about Santa Claus, was I also wrong to buy into the claims of my parents about God and the Bible? One of the biggest issues I wrestled with for many years was the age of the earth and reconciling it with Christianity. I read some books on the subject, all from a recent-creationist viewpoint. My dad came up with what he considered to be his own solution to the problem. Adam, my dad reasoned, was not created as a baby but as a fully-grown adult. Therefore, my dad asked, why couldn't God created the universe "fully-grown"? My dad thought that this was a simple, elegant, beautiful, and perfect solution to the problem. My dad thought that it was so simple and elegant that he was absolutely surprised that any Christian upon hearing it would not immediately believe it. In fact, my dad was scornful of people, it seemed to me, who did not buy into it! Why wasn't this amazingly simple solution to the problem enough to end the entire debate with no questions asked? My dad believed that if anyone didn't find it compelling it could only be because they were just trying to make a problem harder than it necessarily had to be. After all, Christians had their glowing testimonials to share with heathens and so why would they waste so much time and ink on what my dad considered to be a non-problem?

I realized that there were serious problems that my dad was very ignorant about. My dad hadn't studied geology, astronomy, biology, or theology in sufficient enough detail to know what the problems with his "mature-creation" hypothesis. My dad thought he didn't need to. How could something so elegant, so simple, so obvious-sounding and so perfect be possibly wrong? I knew of the problems that my dad's hypothesis (which was thought of long before my dad was even born) but I figured that it was a waste of time to reason with him about it. As a minister in these years, he was so stubborn and set in his ways, that nothing short of a genuine Christophany could ever change his mind. Nor could I tell him about what I learned from reading Morris' book. My dad wouldn't hear of it. If my dad heard of glowing testimonials from any other religion, spirituality, or philosophy, my dad would assume that the person giving the testimonial was somehow dishonest or deluded. After all, if my dad's testimonial was true, theirs just had to be wrong. And that was the end of the discussion for my dad. But it was precisely because I didn't really have much of a testimonial myself that I dug deeper and deeper into apologetics. It was because I no longer felt God's presence that I delved deeper into apologetics.

My dad is wrong. But for more than one reason though. Not only do many religions, spiritualities, and philosophies (both spiritual and secular) have glowing testimonials but being a Christian (or trying to be one) doesn't bring one joy and hope. For many years I sincerely considered myself a Christian yet I had no sense of hope or joy in my life. Since leaving the faith and gradually evolving from an Evangelical to a Deist, then to an agnostic, and finally to an atheist, I have changed in my life. I have become much more joyful over the years. Deconverting cured me of my deep clinical depression that I suffered for over five years. For most of the years that I considered myself a Christian, I was not at all joyful or happy but deeply depressed. In fact, for anyone who prays that I will return to the fold and go back to being a Christian, I ask those folks, do you seriously want the old Matt back?

I believe that I was not a very likeable kind of guy back in the years I considered myself to be a Christian. Sure I was a kind and smart but I wasn't really a likeable kind of fellow, at least not for fellow Christians. The problem was my character and temperament. I am a serious kind of guy. My temperament is such that I am naturally inclined to take myself quite seriously. There is an old saying that could apply to me from the New Testament, that I don't "suffer fools gladly". This is said of people who have very little patience or tolerance for foolishness or goofiness. I am a pretty serious guy. But this doesn't mean that I never laugh. I take myself quite seriously but I try not to take myself too seriously. I enjoy a good hearty laugh these days but it usually comes when I watch something hysterically funny like my favorite comedy show My Name is Earl or reruns of Frasier. Back in my Evangelical days, I took myself as seriously as I could. People would say that I took myself too seriously back then. In fact, I even got the nickname "Old Soberface" from my grandmother. I remember in my freshman year of college, I met a good buddy named Derek. Derek was a Buddhist and he was one of the most confident and joyful people I have ever met. Yet Derek told me that he thought I was "too damned serious".

My worst critic was my dad. My dad would constantly complain about my incessant seriousness. In fact, my dad would accuse me of being selfish because I hated teasing. It didn't matter if it was cruel teasing or good-natured ribbing. It was all the same to me. All teasing was spiteful and offensive to me. So, for some time, I grew resentful of my dad always criticizing me for this. My mother was pretty critical as well but not to the extent that my dad was. My mother would tell me that I reminded her of my grandmother Verna Lee (who, ironically, gave me the nickname!) In fact, my parents would complain that my grandmother had absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever and that I was getting to be just like her! Not only that but this was also the case in Church. I found the social atmosphere of Church to be contemptible. I wanted it to be serious. I was deathly serious and I wanted worship to be sober. If worship was to be joyful, fine then, no problem- but why couldn't we have a worship service that was as serious as could be and, at the same time, as joyful as could be?

It was also in these years that I was clinically depressed. The biggest reason I was depressed was because of my singleness. I would've sold my soul to meet the girl of my dreams in high school and throughout college, all I could ever think about was meeting the woman of my dreams. I got so depressed over this very issue that I not only flunked chemistry class in college but I withdrew from all of my classes because I was struggling with the will to live. I have to say that in all my years of attending Church, I never found most Christian women to my liking. I considered most of them to be romantically-repressed prudes who felt that having romantic feelings for a man other than Jesus himself was blasphemy! But worse than this, there was something I couldn't stand about most Christian women if not all of them: laughter. It seemed to me that most Christian woman couldn’t bear to associate with a man unless that man was hysterically funny and charismatic. In fact, it was my dad's desire to see me fall in love with making women laugh. I recall one time when I was about 16 or older when my dad had a talk with me. My dad said that the best way to attract a woman to me was to make her laugh and that this was pretty much the only way I was ever going to get a woman to fall in love and marry me. But attraction is a two-way street. If a woman loves to laugh, she is best-suited to a man who loves to make her laugh. But that was just it: I wasn't attracted to women who loved to laugh.

I am not proud of this but in my early twenties I became somewhat of a misogynist. I started to loathe women. I started to outright hate women and a big reason for this was because they loved to laugh. It got to the point where I had absolutely no use for women. The only use I could ever possibly have for a woman was sex. Other than that, I honestly wondered, what could I have in a female friend that I couldn't have in a fellow male? If I needed a friend to talk with, or cry with, I could do that with a fellow guy. Almost anything I could do with a woman I could do with a fellow guy. All the qualities of friendship that I needed could be adequately met in other men. The only thing I couldn't do with a fellow man was have sex with that man (well, procreative intercourse is what I mean here). That was the only purpose I thought a woman could possibly fulfill that a man couldn't. Therefore, all I needed was a spouse to have sex with and that was all the use I could ever have for any woman. This was a disgusting attitude but it was one that I had. I considered it only logical. What was Eve to Adam? A fellow buddy by which to shoot the breeze with? No. Eve was his wife. So, what possible purpose could any woman ever serve in my life if not a spouse? The answer was obvious to me: nothing at all. I had no use for them and I sure as hell wasn't going to make them laugh.

I consider myself a different person these days and for the better. I have a much more civilized view of women. I have many fellow female acquaintances because I have learned to see them as human beings. I have noticed a positive change in the better for me. I have learned not to take myself too seriously though I understand that my basic temperament is inclined towards seriousness. I don't hate women anymore but I find it hard to be attracted romantically to most women. In fact, I tend to think that I would rather have them as friends than anything else. My attitude has mostly reversed. I see them mostly as friends because I honestly don't imagine having any woman these days as a girlfriend or wife. Most women love a man with a sense of humor. I just do not find that attractive in a woman. If I am to have a romantic relationship with a woman, she has to take me seriously even if she doesn't take herself that seriously at all. The easiest way for a woman to attract me to her is to take me seriously. When a woman says that she likes me because I am sweet, then I can fall in love with her. The easiest way for a woman to insult or offend me is to tease me by making fun of me when I am trying to be serious. That is not only offensive but that is the hardest thing I can imagine being able to forgive.

The most surprising thing I have learned about some of my fellow atheists is their sense of humor and joy in life! My friend John has remarried. He and his wife Gwenn are a very happy couple. I cringe at the thought of John with someone who is not Gwenn. I cannot imagine John being happy with someone he couldn't laugh with! Ed Babinski, another good friend, recently told of a married atheist couple who were instrumental in getting an aspect of religion out of the public schools. This couple revealed the same secret to their happy marriage that John and Gwenn have: the key is laughter! These folks are so-called "heathens!" They're not supposed to love laughter and be joyful like that! In fact, it seems to me that many atheist couples are some of the happiest people that I know of! Loftus is, to me, proof that Christians have fallen prey to a nasty cultural myth: that you cannot have a life full of love and laughter if you're not committed to Jesus Christ! We don't need religion, faith, of Christ to be joyful and happy, full of love and laughter!

My own evolution from religion and reason has revealed this to be the case. I am more joyful today than I have ever been in my life! I have a new direction and I am on a path to a life that I love! I plan to be studying religion and the Bible in graduate school which has become my new life dream! My old dream was crushed and I consider it irredeemably damaged but I have found a new dream to live and this is one that brings me tremendous joy and happiness! My life seems a lot more joyful and relaxed. I no longer feel neurotic, having to constantly edit my thoughts so that the Christian god doesn't find them offensive or "sinful". I am free to indulge in any kind of sexual fantasy that I want to and I can freely enjoy the natural beauty of a woman's fully uncovered body all I want to. Many people, my fellow "heathens" have, too, found new hopes, new dreams, a new sense of joy and purpose. This to me was only confirmed when I read Ed Babinski's book Leaving the Fold. Many of the contributors sounded like they lived happier, more fulfilling lives, regardless of where they found themselves.

There is joy on the other side of the fence!