The Contradictory And Chaotic Gospel Lies Used to Prove the Resurrection

The Gospels can’t even get their post-resurrection stories straight! In fact, they have used lies to cover earlier lies in selling Christianity. (I view both telemarketers and the Gospel writers driven by the same ideology: Sell the product at any cost. Lies are totally OK if it creates a sell / belief!)
Here are a few of the many lies the post-resurrection Gospel stories use:

A. Jesus tells Mary not to touch him: “Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father.” (John 20:17)

B. Then Jesus contradicts what he had just told Mary by what he now tells Thomas: “Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’" (John 20:27) Not only is all this contradiction in the same Gospel of John, but it’s in the very same chapter of that Gospel as well!

C. But then we are told the bodily resurrected Jesus really has no mass after all as he can now past straight through walls and doors “Eight days later, his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" (John 20:26)

  D. Now the lies get even wilder as the reader is told that Jesus can even transform his appearance from unknowable to the knowable at will: “When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him…” (Luke 24:30a) and again in John: “Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.” (John 21: 4) So just how do we know who or what was really resurrected???!

Then Jesus just disappears into thin air again: “…and he disappeared from their sight.” Luke 24:30b (Beam me up Scotty!)

E. Then according to the Gospel of John, faith in the resurrected Jesus can ONLY be based on the Gospels claims alone which are themselves based on and steeped in Circular Reasoning: “Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, who are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.” (John 20: 30 -31) Thus, we MUST now believe the Gospel of John . . . why? Because the Gospel of John says so! Now simple faith is TOTAL TRUST in a confused Gospel of John!

F. Finally, modern microbiology would logically tell us that Jesus would have to have active E-coli resurrected in his gut also so he could digest a fish: “He (Jesus) asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate it in their presence.” (Luke 24: 42) Thus, we not only have a resurrected Jesus, but now we must have millions of E-coli resurrected by God in Jesus’ gut!!! Thus, faith in the resurrected E-coli is also “Saving Faith” since - without the living E-coli - eating the fish in order to end Jesus’ hunger (in the process of digestion) would be impossible. So (theologically) if there were no resurrected E-coli in Jesus’ gut, then Jesus assented to Heaven (Acts 1:9) with a fish undigested in his gut would mean this chewed up undigested fish now has an eternal life too; thus ironically finding itself part of the God Head and so the Trinity now becomes Father, Son, Holy Spirit and Holy Fish!

In conclusion, spiritual Christians love to tell worldly Christians: “If you were put on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” To which I would counter: “If all the Gospel’s conflicting statements about the resurrected Jesus were used at trial in a modern court of law, how many of the Gospel writers would serve jail time for perjury? . . . ALL of them!

Harry McCall