Praise God for the Coming Swine Flu Pandemic!

As a bit of sarcasm that Voltaire would appreciate let's all praise God for the coming Swine Flu pandemic! It's been long overdue. A state of emergency has been declared by the US which you can read about right here. On NBC's Nightly News the word pandemic was bandied about as a real possibility.

If the Swine Flu is a punishment sent by God then God's punishments are good, aren't they? We're all sinners so we deserve to drown in our own bodily fluids as our lungs fill up with water, even children, right? People deserve what happens to them because Adam and Eve sinned, or because our parents sinned, or because of original sin (whatever that can possibly mean in this context for children). God's goodness and glory are displayed in the sufferings and deaths of its victims along with the grieving surviving family members. In any case, it's disasters like these that God sends to draw people to him, sort of like beating your wife in order to get her to love you, right? God is perfectly good. Glory be to God! He always does that which is perfectly good. So this is not a tragedy, not a disaster, not an "evil". This is all good! Praise God! Evil is nothing but a privation anyway, according to Augustine. It doesn't really exist!

In addition, the Swine Flu can be considered as a perfectly good divine method of population control. Every once-in-a-while God just has to do this because populations get out of hand and because of this they might upset the so-called perfectly fine tuned ecosystem he created. Never mind for a moment that a more humane way to control population is to control our sex drives, or female ovulation cycles, so that we don't even have a population control problem in the first place. And never mind that there is no reason for a miracle working God to be concerned with such a fine tuned ecosystem when he could sustain the world and control population growth by means of several perpetual miracles such that the coming Swine Flu isn't needed at all in his perfectly good plan. No, God knows what he's doing and his ways are the very best. We cannot even fathom how good God's ways are since he's omniscient and knows best. He has perfectly good reasons why he remains hidden. We know this by faith because we certainly cannot figure it out using the rational powers he created in us even given his perfectly good revelation in the Bible.

Anyway, those damned Catholics are not really Christians anyway, so the Swine Flu started in Mexico where it belongs. No wonder they don't have divine protection. We know that our version of Christianity is true because we were born into it. But wait, it's infecting Protestant Evangelical Christian America too? Oh well, forget about the facts. Who needs facts when the high road is to have faith? And any true Christian who dies in this pandemic will go to heaven anyway.

Besides, Jesus told us that when we see such things we should look up into the sky dome of heaven and be thankful, for this is yet another sign that Jesus is coming. Just ignore the many other pandemics that took place, like the Spanish Influenza outbreak of 1918 and the failed apocalyptic predictions that came with it of the end of the world. In fact, let's hope and pray things get worse because we'd rather be in heaven than here on earth. And ignore also the fact that if the world comes to an immediate end there are still billions of non-Christians who have not yet been reached with the saving knowledge of Jesus, many of whom could still be reached if God grants them more time. Ignore also that these people will burn in hell forever. God's patience cannot last forever. Who cares if he calls a halt to this world whenever he does? I don't. I only care about me. I want to go to be with God soon, today if possible. The people who wind up in hell deserve what they get, even those who die in this coming Swine Flu pandemic. Let them burn. I'm just thankful that in God's graciousness toward me he didn't end the world before I got saved. Isn't God so full of it [grace]? It's simply amazing!

So let's thank God and do nothing to prohibit the Swine Flu from spreading because it's God's will. And let's look to the sky for Jesus and help raise money for doomsday ministries that tell the world of the coming disaster upon the heathen, atheists, homosexuals, criminals and child molesters for whom this disaster is being sent. We'll be raptured out of this mess, and even if not, his grace is sufficient for us. We know where we'll go when the time comes.

Be thankful and praise God in all things!

6 comments:

Edward T. Babinski said...

Today there's more people on earth than ever before and more swine, birds, and other influenza incubators/carriers living among humans who raise them. That means the number of viruses and possible mutations among those viruses has increased exponentially. So the probability of a major pandemic or epidemic arising, has also increased.

Animals like chickens are kept in cages, near each other and they are pumped full of antibiotics since diseases can and do pass from bird to bird. Fish farms have similar problems, parasites and diseases passing among all the fish crammed together. Same with pig farms.

And thanks to modern transportation (in which people are cooped up like animals in flying pens) the possibility of the passage of communicable diseases over vast distances has also increased.

Of course according to Christians we ought to not be using condoms (Catholicism), or never aborting babies (Protestants), so in effect humanity is being taught by Christianity to NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR NUMBERS.

Apparently we are not only commanded by God to "fill the earth" but to also "overfill it." Or at least the Bible is a little sketchy as to just how "full" the earth ought to be for humanity and all the species God has created. A lot of Christians don't even care about such questions at all since they concentrate more on preaching the "soon return of Christ" and take the world's descent into extinct species and human famine, disease, pollution, and death as signs of Christ's soon return, and human sinfulness. (Though it's apparently not a sin to keep filling the earth even exponentially so, and take no responsibility for keeping human numbers down.)

Personally, I'd like to see humanity take responsibility for maintaining a sustainable level of human civilization via population control even if that means abortion laws like in China, than to see all the benefits of relatively peaceable human civilization evaporate into chaos simply because we were afraid of responsibility promoting the use of condoms, birth control, morning after pills, and keeping abortion legal.

Jason Long said...

Overpopulation is the cause of the majority of the planet's ills. If the population were reduced and stabilized, climate change would come to a grinding halt. No other steps necessary.

danielg said...

You could also say "Praise Darwin!" for the coming pandemic, since most liberals believe in the overpopulation myth, and some are even anti-humanists, who think of us as parasites on the earth.

You'd think that overpopulation alarmists would welcome this 'needed' reduction in humans.

Teleprompter said...

"You could also say "Praise Darwin!" for the coming pandemic, since most liberals believe in the overpopulation myth"

While Darwin is said to have drawn inspiration from Malthus, they are not synonymous. Also, blaming Darwin for evolutionary happenings is like cursing Newton when an apple falls on your head. Yes, Darwin "discovered" evolution by natural selection (along with others) like Newton "discovered" gravity, but evolution didn't originate with Darwin, as gravity did not originate with Newton, and no one can really blame either Darwin or Newton for the effects of what either observed. However, one could blame (or praise) a god for the swine flu pandemic if such a god exists, because some people believe that such a god is the originator and not merely the discoverer of the natural mechanisms which have promoted the swine flu virus.

danielg said...

I am not condemning Darwin or comparing him to Malthus. Rather, I am condeming modern liberals who believe and combine the bogus theories of both men, and fail to follow them to their natural conclusions.

Which are that such pandemics are a good thing for the earth and humanity, and perhaps we should be glad that everything is working out (at least, for those of us who don't die).

And of course, I am saying this tongue in cheek to mimick and mock the "Praise God" tone of this article - and to point out that the only reason why the author might blame Christianity for being contradictory is because the author believes the entirely false overpopulation myth.

If his bogus assumption about population is taken away, his whole 'blaming Christianity for overpopulation' while wanting to help people is not hypocritical or contradictory at all - his assumption creates the contradiction, the contradiction does not exist in Christianity at all.

Steven Bently said...

This is the type of brilliant sarcasm, that you might expect from me that I enjoy reading.

This type of sarcasm bashes christianity by using it's own philosophy against itself.

The Bible actually is christians worst enemy.

Hell yes we need to die and be punished immediately, because we were all born (in sin) and god loves us so much that we need to be reminded of how nasty and filthy our souls are, we need more and new and advanced diseases, especially one's that cannot be found a cure so we can all get to where we are supposed to go, either heaven or hell.

Praise be to god and his loving son with his legion of plagues that we so richly deserve, just makes me want to become a christian so I can worship and praise his holy name and condemn others that do not believe in him as I do.