Mr. Atheist Goes to Church

I have seen the light, brothers and sisters! I have repented of my godless ways, asked forgiveness for my sins, and joined a congregation here in my home town! Rejoice!

Ok, I was kidding about the first part. But I did join a congregation. Seriously. No, I’m not joking, or trying to pull one over on you. I really did. Join a congregation. Someone get that guy some smelling salts.


For those of you who don’t know, my family and I live in a fairly conservative part of the American Southeast. My wife and I have two small children, both of whom go to preschool. About six months ago, a friend of my daughter asked her what church she went to. While my wife and I expected this to eventually be an issue, we were not prepared for three-year olds to be asking my kids where they went to church. While I have lived in the Southeast almost my entire life, we moved here recently from a more urban location where this was never remotely an issue. However, apparently my daughter was being asked quite regularly now about her religious affiliation, and it was starting to distress her.

Now while some like Andrew may think that, being an atheist, the only thing keeping me from eating my children is the fact that they would taste too gamey, in truth I would do almost anything for my children’s happiness. And not having a religious identity in such a religion-charged atmosphere was really causing my daughter grief. While she was not being picked on yet, she was starting to feel odd. All her friends had a church (even though most of them rarely went) and she wanted to know why she was different. We would pass by one of half a dozen churches on the way to her school, and she would ask me why we didn't go there. While we were prepared to teach her about religion when she got older, three years old is far too young for her to even begin to grasp religion in any critical sense. The best I could hope to do is indoctrinate her one way or another, which is the farthest thing from my intentions.

Additionally, both my wife and I had very fond memories of our social experience as part of a religious institution (me as a very active youth member of the Methodist church, my wife as a very active member of the B’nai B’rith Youth Organization). One unfortunate fact is that, at least in the rural Southeast, there really is no social substitute for religious organizations. The comprehensive community that often grows around active congregations is unmatched by any other social activity in my experience. The closest thing I had ever seen were the service fraternities in college, and those days were behind me.

My wife and I both thought that remaining separated from a religious congregation would cause our children serious social difficulties. However, we did not know how to solve the issue. While our community is in the Southeast, it is a university town and therefore diverse. Our neighbors to one side are Muslim, and the other side are Asian (I have no idea what their religious affiliation is). It seems not to matter so much WHAT your religion is here, just that you fit into some kind of category. But which category? I am an atheist, but above that, I am a freethinker. I did not want to indoctrinate my children in any religion; rather, I wanted to indoctrinate them in morals and the value of empiricism, and encourage them to decide on their own what religions, if any, made them happy. I was a recovering Methodist, so that avenue was open to us. If you are in a large enough community, you can usually find a liberal Methodist church. However, my wife was viscerally uncomfortable with any kind of Christianity, no matter how much it waffled on the divinity of Jesus. Such a position was understandable. My wife is a secular Jew, affiliated with the Reform movement. However, I have serious ethical problems with some facets of Judaism, such as their practice of selling tickets to their High Holy Days services and their emphasis on “us” and “other” (note, they do not condemn or criticize “other”, but they undoubtedly emphasize that there is a difference). Additionally, there is only a single Reform congregation here, and it teaches many of the more traditional tenets of Judaism. So that was out.

Fortunately, we did find a congregation to join. We visited the local Unitarian Universalist fellowship and spoke with the minister. It was quite interesting. The congregation is made up of about 1/3rd atheists and agnostics, a large number of deists, with a sprinkling of pagans, pantheists, and related theists. The creed of the fellowship is wholly humanistic, based on seven principles.

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

We have been going there for about four months now, and have found it to be a very comfortable place for our non-theistic family. Our children are taught about various faiths around the world in a value-neutral manner. But above all, they are taught humanistic morals independent of religious authority. In fact, our sermon last Sunday was on the value of skepticism, and the belief and value of atheist, agnostics, and humanists to the Fellowship. It was a welcome contrast from the last Jewish sermon I saw during the last High Holy Days, where the rabbi stood up and viciously slandered atheists and agnostics, along with spreading misinformation about evolution.

I did not write this article just because I like to write about myself (that’s just a perk). I wrote this in case there were others here who were in a similar situation to me. Perhaps you have young children and you think they need a community of shared morals to help them develop. Or perhaps you have recently lost your faith and are feeling the deep loss of your former community, desperately seeking for something to take its place. Or perhaps you are a theist who has become disillusioned with the dogma of your church, and are seeking something more open and unstructured. Perhaps you should check out the nearest Unitarian Universalist congregation. I have also been told that the Society for Ethical Culture is similarly suited for non-theistic people. You should note that Unitarian Universalist congregations are largely autonomous, so your mileage may vary.